The holiday season is generally thought of to be one of celebration. The expectation that we are cheerful and joyful during the holiday is daunting to many people, especially those that have experienced the loss of a pet. Getting ready for this season can bring up many painful reminders of our loss, too. Here are some steps that you and your family can take through the holiday season to hopefully bring you comfort.

1. Acknowledge your grief.

The pressure to keep things ‘merry and bright’ can mean that you might feel pressure to hide your grief, or put on a happy face during celebrations. Unpacking their stocking or finding their fur when you set up holiday decorations can bring a fresh wave of grief during the holidays. Acknowledging your grief will begin the healing process. Know that you may experience many emotions, including sadness and even anger. Be mindful of your emotions and be kind to yourself.

2. Set healthy boundaries.

As you experience these emotions after the loss of a pet, be comfortable setting boundaries, especially during the holidays. Expectations can be high during the holidays, and no one wants to disappoint friends and family. In order to begin healing through your grief, know that you can say no to demands or expectations that will bring you additional pain or discomfort. Be honest with yourself and ask, ” Will this bring me some comfort while I grieve?” Make sure you are giving yourself time and space to rest and regroup.

3. Create new traditions.

Traditions are a powerful way to trigger our memory – whether it is something born out of your culture, religious background, or simply something that you love to do. Find a way to incorporate your beloved pet into your holiday season, whether it is hanging a special ornament, lighting a memorial candle, or listening to a song that reminds you of them. Turn their favorite toy or collar into a remembrance keepsake. During a holiday celebration, you can go around the room and encourage everyone to share memories and special moments with your pet, or even pets that they have lost in the past. Donate to a rescue group in honor of your pet, or spend time volunteering in their honor. Write an online obituary to share memories and photos of your pet.

4. Know that you’re not alone.

It is very natural to feel the urge to isolate, especially when it is the first holiday after losing your pet. We tell ourselves, “I don’t want to ruin everyone else’s holiday,” and we decline invitations so that we don’t impact others with our grief. Taking time to process your loss and acknowledge your grief is an important step to begin healing, but isolating and detaching can be harmful. It is incredibly important to find a trusted friend or supportive community to share your pain with. Join a Pet Loss Support Group to learn strategies for healing and sharing with others who are also experiencing grief after the loss of a pet. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

5. Celebrate with gratitude.

We feel grief after losing a pet because we love them and were loved in return. Honor your pet by remembering what our pets teach us: loyalty, patience, gratitude, empathy, enthusiasm for each day, spontaneity, and unconditional love. Take these lessons with you, and model them with yourself and others.

“Grief and love are conjoined, you don’t get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.” – Jandy Nelson